Catherine Leggitt

HALLOWEEN? BAH HUMBUG!

2011-10-26T02:32:33Z

The year I turned four, my mother borrowed a witch costume from my aunt and dressed up for Halloween. I will never forget the trauma of watching that beautiful woman transform into a dark disfigured creature. She put on the voluminous black dress first. When she tugged a rubber mask over her face and secured the black stringy wig and pointed hat, she turned to look at me. All trace of her sweet face had disappeared, replaced by wrinkles, warts, and a huge hook nose. I swallowed hard and stepped away. My heart stopped beating for a frightful moment. I blinked, trying to dislodge the nightmarish image, but it wouldn't go away.

She reached out a hand to me.

I backed up farther. That wasn't my mother. It was a witch.

She laughed. "Don't be afraid."

Even her laugh sounded different. Memories of Hansel and Gretel and Snow White flooded my mind. I had to get away before she offered me an apple, so I ran from the room in tears.

The next year, my mother dressed me up like Jill and my sister like Jack from the nursery rhythm, complete with bandaged head and a wooden bucket. Since we lived in the country, we had no neighbors close enough to visit on foot. Mother drove us to her friends' homes and nearly shoved us onto porches where we had to ring the doorbell and say, "Trick or treat?" I was never so humiliated in all my short life, and I wasn't even the one dressed like a boy.

The whole thing always felt wrong to me. Why have a special day to celebrate scary monsters? As a child, I experienced quite enough of them during the rest of the year when the lights went out at night. Why glorify witches, wizards, bats, and zombies anyway? Doesn't that seem a bit warped?

Add theology to the mix. God makes it clear in the Bible that He takes a dim view of sorcery, divination, fortune telling, witchcraft, being a medium, magic, and consulting the dead. Such verses as Deuteronomy 14:10--12 list these practices as detestable, right along with sacrificing of children in the fire. These are pagan pursuits, which seek to counterfeit power that belongs to God alone. They originate with Satan. Why would we want to imitate that? Isn't that playing with fire?

As long as I can remember I have tolerated Halloween through gritted teeth, kind of like a trip to the dentist. I've never been a fan of this holiday--except the dressing up part (I like to play dress-up). The witches and goblins thing scares me. Not to mention trick-or-treating. Hate that. To my way of thinking, it's a good excuse to beg for candy, which no one needs.

Thankfully, Halloween will be over in a week. I guess I can tough it out for that long. This year my husband wants to buy candy and pass it out to the cute trick-or-treaters. Be warned. If you bring your trick-or-treat bags to our house, don't expect me to answer the door. I will be hiding. Guess that makes me a curmudgeon.

And I'm okay with that.

ANOTHER BABY?

2011-10-21T17:17:32Z

My second daughter is pregnant--at 41. What a blessed surprise! With an eleven year old son and a nine year old daughter, we thought her family--and ours--was complete. But God had a better plan. And His ways are higher and wiser. So we are preparing for another grandson, wondering how this is all going to work out for this very busy family with two working parents.

I just read the story of Peter's miraculous rescue from prison in Acts 12. James, the brother of John the apostle--and one of the original twelve disciples--had been beheaded by Herod. This so pleased the Pharisees, that Herod imprisoned Peter as well, intending to put him to death. Following the gift of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost, Peter's boldness to preach about Jesus had multiplied. His natural leadership qualities were being put to use as God intended to guide the budding Church. God performed miracles through Peter. He was a great threat to organized Jewish religion of the day.

Peter had probably been beaten, was certainly hungry, cold, humiliated, chained between two soldiers in a cold, dark, damp, rat-infested locked cell. The iron doors were guarded. Yet, Peter slept so soundly that when God's angel came to rescue him, he had to shake Peter out of sleep. How could Peter rest at a time like that? He had complete trust in God's plan. He knew whatever God allowed would be right and best.

When the angel woke Peter, the chains fell off, the iron doors and gates keeping Peter prisoner opened by themselves. No one stopped them from leaving. It seems that no one even saw them leave. Miracle after miracle unfolded that night as the angel led Peter away from prison.

Peter's friends were earnestly praying for him. Probably they were praying for Herod to release him, for his comfort, for God to be with him in prison. All perfectly good prayers, but far below what God had planned. They were so intent on praying that when Peter arrived at the door, they did not believe it was actually Peter.

Do I have a plan of my own that I ask God to implement? What if His plan is much better? Would I want to miss it? So my daughter is having a baby at 41. That wasn't our idea of how this family's life should unfold. But I can trust God's sovereignty. This child will bring blessing to our family.

My prayers for my soon-coming grandson have changed. Not my will, but Thine, I pray now. Use this precious baby to accomplish whatever work You desire. I wait in eager anticipation. I wait in thankfulness. I wait in great joy.

BLESSING FROM SUFFERING? ONLY GOD CAN DO THAT.

2011-10-16T23:27:58Z

"On that day a great persecution broke out against the church at Jerusalem, and all except the apostles were scattered throughout Judea and Samaria. Godly men buried Stephen and mourned deeply for him. . . . Those who had been scattered preached the word wherever they went . . . many paralytics and cripples were healed. So there was great joy . . ." Acts 8:1-8

Let me see if this adds up--death of Stephen + scattering and persecution = joy. Hmm. Not humanly it doesn't. Yet, in the kingdom of God, often our greatest good and thus our greatest joy results from suffering. This was true in the early church and it is still true today. I've seen it in my own life more than once.

Example. About four years ago, our well-conceived retirement income stream dried up and my husband Bob and I began the adventure of living by faith in God's provision. An editing job here, work for our son there, selling one of our many accumulations another month, royalties from my book, an unexpected tax return at just the right time--consistently over these past years, God has provided each month for our needs. We never know how it will happen, but it always does. During this time, we've sold all our expensive toys, our cabin in Lake Tahoe, horses, horse trailer, fifth-wheel, our five acre ranchette with pool in the country. We let go of them as needed, and amazingly, we didn't die. I know you are thinking, why don't you just get a job and work like the rest of us do?

It would be virtually impossible for Bob to hold down even a part time job on a regular basis. Not only is his hearing loss so severe that communication is significantly impaired, but he also has a chronic back problem. On the other hand, I could get a job. I have an education including a couple of credentials and I am in good health. Even though I believe God called me to write, many times I think I should get a job. I could do both. Many people do.

So why don't I?

The stress of waiting for enough money to pay bills sometimes overwhelms me and I cry out to God for direction. "Just tell me where to look for a job. Give me a hint. I'll do whatever you want me to." That's how I pray. Then I look online, in the newspaper, ask people, sometimes turn in resumes and applications, have even gotten so far as interviews at times. But the job offer never comes. Either I have not found the job God wants for me, or He doesn't want me to get a job.

In January of this year, our health insurance bill increased to over two thousand dollars a month. Yes. Two thousand. (If you have insurance through your place of employment, consider yourself immensely blessed.) For us, this increase meant we could no longer afford health insurance. We made the decision to drop it. Scary for two people in their sixties. Now we have to stay healthy until we can get Medicare.

A friend suggested that Bob get his health needs met at the VA. Logical, since he is a veteran of the Viet Nam War, but not something we had ever thought of before. When we went to apply, the lady signing him up asked why didn't he apply for VA Disability based on his hearing loss. Never thought of that before either. But okay. We'll give it a shot. Even if they gave us a couple hundred dollars a month, it would help. We didn't think they would, but we turned in the paperwork. And waited.

Six months later we got a notice saying the review board had granted Bob 100% disability based on his hearing loss. They had reviewed his records from 1966 to 1969 while he served in the Army. When he went into the service, his hearing tested in the normal range. When he came out after serving in the heavy artillery without earplugs, his hearing was impaired. It has steadily worsened.

I cried reading the findings. Only God can take a bad thing, hearing loss, and another bad thing, not enough money to buy health insurance, and create out of that something good. Steady monthly income.

Oh, I forgot to mention. The amount the VA awarded Bob, almost exactly matches the amount of our need. Only God . . .

BIG OOPS!

2011-06-30T03:16:00Z

Have you ever done something that seemed like a good idea at the time, but turned out to be really stupid? About two months ago, I thought God was speaking to me to contact an estranged relative and be a peacemaker. Please note, I'm an outsider in this conflict, but for several years, I've heard about the pain this family rift has caused to those I love. With completely honorable intentions, I wrote what I considered to be a loving letter--not judgmental, blaming or taking sides. Just a simple "I love you. I miss you. I'm praying for you" kind of letter.

Okay, not quite that simply put, but that's basically what I thought I communicated. I'm a writer. I chose the words carefully and sent the letter on its way with a quick prayer for positive reception. Notice, I didn't pray before I wrote the letter. No. I didn't give the Holy Spirit that kind of time to steer me away from this project.

What I really wanted was a change of heart on the part of the receiver. A sudden head-thump moment. "Oh, my gosh! How could I have been so blind. Now I see that I've been wrong all these years n staying away from this wonderful loving family. I will call them right now to ask for forgiveness." That's what I hoped for. Although I didn't admit that to myself, my husband, my daughter or to my mother and father. Oh, yes. I'm afraid I shared my "loving gesture" with all of them. Talk about stupid and prideful.

So, guess what happened? Yesterday I received a three-page computer-rinted letter from this man. The length alone spoke volumes. It didn't begin with "Dear," either. Just my name. Another clue about the way it was received. Following the "greeting," he wrote a litany of non-of-my-business kind of information. Definitely TMI stuff. Years of sucked-up pain oozed from his words.

Whether these incidents happened exactly as he recalls or not, his perception is his reality. I cried with him. Midway through, I considered whether I should even finish reading. I felt like a voyeur. What he shared was intensely personal. But since I'd stepped over the line into his space, I heard him out. Maybe he needed to vent. Maybe no one else listened any more.

Several lessons for me have emerged from this experience. The first I already knew, but apparently forgot. As Mother used to say, "It takes two to tango." Very rarely does a person harm another for evil motives. Negative actions are usually reactions to hurt. Often we injure others thoughtlessly without considering who will be hurt by our choices. False assumptions are made. Words are misunderstood. Sometimes wounds that never heal result. But regardless of how the injury occurred, both parties have a version of what happened. I am incorrect to assume anything from listening to one side. Even if that version gets repeated by others until it becomes part of family lore. that's why judges listen to both parties before rendering judgment.

Besides, if I wasn't there, how do I know what happened? Even if I was there, I know only what I saw and heard. I don't know what transpired earlier. Then there's the pride issue. Mine. Big pride. I assumed I'd know what God wanted to say without consulting him. Wrong order.

Now I must fall on my knees and beg for God's forgiveness. Then, I need to write another letter apologizing for my arrogance and lack of compassion. You know what they say about good intentions.

Will I ever learn?

James 3:9-10, "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be."Psalm 19:14, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."

LIFE OR DEATH?

2011-06-07T20:22:46Z

Someone I know committed suicide yesterday leaving all who knew her in a stupifying fog to question WHY? Such a permanent solution, for what? Did she hope it would bring her peace? Did she think of the countless hearts she would leave shattered? The lives forever altered by her single selfish choice? Did she consider what she would miss in the future?

I suspect the answer to each of these questions is that she did not think of it. She must have been at the very lowest point of despair and hopelessness. Perhaps tormenting voices in her mind shouted for her to pull the trigger and end the pain. Instead of running away to talk to someone--to cling to life as the precious, fleeting valuable gift it is--she listened to the voices. Considering only the one solution: taking the gun in her hand. In an instant, it was too late for thinking.

This fragile gift of God, full of vanity and uncertainty, ups and downs, moutain-top experiences and wanderings through the valley of the shadow of death--why didn't her inborn desire to live override her desire to die? Had her life become so impossible and so completely without promise or hope?

True, age was creeping up--although she hadn't begun the full slide downward into decrepancy. True, the economy had gone south and the family business had financial trouble--not unusual these days. But consider all the things tipping the scale in the opposite direction. A loving husband, thriving children, and five lively perfect grandchildren. A cozy house and safe neighborhood. Health. Freedom in America. This woman had talents too. She could cook like a chef. Organized and efficient, she managed the business and the household without seeming to tire. Her grandchildren adored their Nonny. Always available for babysitting and helping out with family celebrations.

Family and friends continue to ask questions with no answers. What if I'd been there for her? What if I'd called her that day? Why didn't she talk about her problems? Her depression? Her worries? Or the big question: what if she'd had hope of glory in Jesus? Would her depression have been able to beat her so low? Or would she have gone to God with her burdens? Would He have carried them for her?

The Bible says He would. Over and over God calls us: Psalm 55:22 "Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved." Psalm 28:7 "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him." Matthew 11:28-30 "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest upon your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Why didn't I tell her this? Why didn't someone tell her this? There is always hope. There is always a way out. God promised to provide one. Who do I need to tell today? If you are struggling with hopelessness, please reach out. I am here. I would be honored to listen.

A HIGH VIEW OF GOD FROM ISAIAH

2011-05-13T02:44:00Z

Just about every winter Bob grows a beard. Not being a lover of hairy chins, I tolerate it, usually with only minor groans and complaints. So guess what? In honor of Mother’s Day, Bob shaved off his beard on Saturday night so that I would wake up in the morning and have a man with a clean chin to kiss.

That was a selfless and loving gift. Perfect.

Except, I didn’t even notice.

Not when he climbed in bed on Saturday night or all day Sunday. I didn’t notice Monday either. Tuesday morning while I was making his breakfast, he nuzzled my neck and said, “You didn’t comment on my beard.”

He had to point it out to me. How sad is that? What’s the opposite of love? It’s not hate, it’s neglect, forgetting, ignoring.

Yesterday I tried to think how to make up for ignoring Bob’s gift and I realized something about my relationship with God. I thought I had a High View of God at the beginning of this Bible Study Fellowship year, but through the study of Isaiah’s inspired words, God revealed so much more about Himself—things that have been there all along, but I didn’t have eyes to really see them or ears to really hear of them.

I call God Sovereign, Mighty, Omnipresent, and Holy, yet how often do I realize the way those attributes impact my life? Do I see His mighty hand protecting and guiding me every day? Do I feel His presence with me wherever I go? Do I fall on my face in awe of His fearsome holiness?

Or do I rush through my busy life without talking to Him? Do I squirm and try to wiggle free when in His sovereign design He allows something to happen that I don’t like? I know God is the Provider of all I need so why did it take so long for me to recognize that “the bread of adversity and the water of affliction” were training me to repent, trust, and wait?

This year’s study has opened my eyes to many wondrous things that have always been true about God—about His justice being on the same continuum with His amazing love. That His grace will not allow me to fall away too far before judgment draws me back. Isn’t it sad that He had to point these things out to me as I walked through the valley of financial instability in order for me to take notice?

God provides hope and strength to stand firm and courage for the future. I have learned this year to rest in God’s sovereignty and not run ahead of God—to be patient with God’s plan and God’s timing. Through the pages of Isaiah, God repeatedly pointed out that I must not listen to Man’s counsel. Instead, I need to remember what God has already done and turn over the throne of my life to the King of Kings. This means I must surrender all and let Him reign supreme, something I struggle with daily.

One of my favorite passages in Isaiah is about how God maintains the boundaries around me so that they fit my needs exactly. Isaiah 49:16: "See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me."

God hasn’t changed this year. But I have. In Isaiah, I have learned so much more about God’s amazing incomparable heart for His creation. I am so grateful that He pointed out all these things to me. I have a much higher view of God than I did 30 weeks ago when our study began and I bet I haven’t even begun to know all there is to learn about Him.

WHY DOESN'T GOD FIX THIS?

2010-09-13T17:29:00Z

"I think God is finished with me."

I frowned at my husband. "What do you mean?"

"He rejected me. You know, like a bad egg."

Theological arguments immediately rose to mind, but I figured I should hear him out before I launched my sermon. "What makes you think THAT?"

Heavy sigh. "I keep praying for help with our income problem. I know it's all my fault. I should have taken better care of what He provided."

I let that one pass.

His shoulders sagged and he hung his head. "But he's still not answering."

The current economy had robbed us of rental income and we floundered each month, scrounging and selling things off to pay the minimum amounts on bills. We were falling farther behind. We had both been repeatedly on our knees about this issue. With so many other people in this country worse off, to my way of thinking we should have been rejoicing. Trying to explain why God hadn't yet favored us with release from this problem, my husband decided God had rejected him. In truth, if prosperity were tied to our behavior, people would serve the Lord just because they wanted to get rich. That is not what God desires.

I guess it's what fair-weather friends often do, though. When we're riding the crest of the wave, they're our friends. But when things go wrong, they disappear. Attempts to understand why God doesn't rescue us from pain can get all muddled up with how people treat us. But God's words says that His ways are higher than ours. To come to grips with situations like this, we have to remember His character.

God never rejects His children. Quite the opposite.

My husband watches a show on the Home/Garden network featuring a contractor who rescues homeowners from construction nightmares. You know the kind. We've all heard about them on the news. Someone comes in to repair your plumbing and they make it worse, then refuse to fix it. Or they leave you in the middle of fixing your mildew problem. Or they tear out your kitchen and disappear with your check. I heard of one awful story where a woman paid to get her bathroom renovated and the bad contractor insisted on getting all his money before he'd completely finished. The woman refused to pay him, so he ripped out everything he'd done and took it all away.

It occurs to me that sometimes God takes on special construction nightmares in our lives. Maybe my husband and I have mildew in our drywall or insulation. Maybe our nation does too. There's no way to paint over such a mess and call it good. God has to rip out all the corrupted drywall and insulation, all the corroded plumbing and dangerous electrical until He gets down to the bare studs. When He does that, He can begin to correct the situation. This process is costly and slow. It hurts. These days, we're not good at being patient with remodeling processes in our lives. After we've been through a week of dieting, we think we should be able to eat again. A few days after quitting smoking we can't understand why we still have those same cravings. We think being patient equates to the length of time we wait in our cars for an In-N-Out Burger without throwing a tantrum. Now. We want everything now.

Sometimes God calls us to wait. "Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him!" Isaiah 30:18. Perhaps in this time of great need, God is calling us to wait in faith that He is working. "So then, brothers, stand firm and hold to the teachings we passed on to you, whether by mouth or by letter." 2 Thessalonians 2:15. "God's solid foundation stands firm, sealed with this inscription: 'The Lord knows those who are his,' and 'Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness.' " 2 Timothy 2:19.

God hasn't rejected us. He is just getting started with us and He promises to finish His work and make us into the image of our glorious Savior, Jesus Christ.

DOES GOD WORK MIRACLES TODAY?

2010-08-31T17:00:00Z

"I will make rivers flow on barren heights, and springs within the valleys. I will turn the desert into pools of water, and the parched ground into springs. I will put in the desert the cedar and the acacia, the myrtle and the olive. I will set pines in the wasteland, the fir and the cypress together, so that people may see and know, may consider and understand, that the hand of the Lord has done this..." Isaiah 41:18-20

I pray for miracles every day. I plead with God to provide income out of thin air and extend healing to my suffering loved ones. I ask for peace and restoration among my family and in the world. Sometimes I get discouraged because big flashy miraculous answers to repeated prayers don't drop from the sky. That's probably because I see without comprehending what God is doing all around me every day. Today, these verses in Isaiah gave me a peek into the awesome world of God's miraculous provision.

God's power is everywhere displayed. I guess I take it for granted that impossible things can co-exist harmoniously on earth. Yet the hand of the Lord has done this. Take a look at the contrasts in these verses: "rivers on barren heights and springs within valleys." According to natural scientifically explainable order, rivers run through valleys and springs come forth out of rocky mountains. Next verse, "I will turn the desert into pools of water and the parched ground into springs." Everyone knows deserts are dry ground without springs. Yet, where God plants pools of water in deserts (oases) we accept that as a normal occurrence.

How about the trees? Cedar and acacia, myrtle and olive, growing in close proximity. If you know anything about gardening, this would be tough to accomplish in your own yard. But God created these trees with amazing adaptability. The cedar tree is the hardiest of tree junipers. It does well in poor soil and withstands winds well. It also grows in heavily forested areas along coastal areas in very good soil. The acacia tree is native to warm regions and is drought resistant, requiring deep infrequent watering to encourage root growth. The myrtle will take hot sun or part shade, and any soil with good drainage. Some myrtle varieties grow in the desert and others grow in wet zones. The olive is slow growing, needs full sun, and will adapt to a variety of soils. Olive trees thrive in hot dry summers but also grow in wet coastal areas.

I lived in the Mojave Desert for a few years. Acacia trees were everywhere, especially along dry riverbeds. During wet winters, they bloomed a striking pink. I don't remember cedars, myrtles, and olives growing alongside them. Yet God's word proclaims that He is able to make all these grow in close proximity in the desert and in the Middle East they still thrive together today.

Isaiah also says God has set pines in the wasteland along with firs and cypress. Pines are wind resistant, so they would do well in the windy wastelands. Some pine varieties are less resistant to draught than others. They tolerate a wide range of soils and environmental conditions. Firs are hardy and resistant to draught and heat as are cypress trees, which will grow in desert areas or coastal areas. What combinations God has created! Consider His handiwork. What Man could do this?

God has worked all this for our encouragement. We are to look at these anomalies and say, "If God can make pines and cedars thrive in the desert, He can certainly provide what I need." I do not need to worry about tomorrow. There is nothing impossible for God. He is able to produce a constant stream of miracles all over the world. Where has He left His miraculous footprint in my life? God, today please open my eyes to see the mracles you've done.

WHAT A PAIN!

2010-08-15T18:12:43Z

Got a new pain in my lower back this week. Don't know just where it came from, but it has overtaken with vengeance and hangs on as if it had every right to disrupt both my waking and my sleeping. Well--I am at that age. Things are going to start paining me here and there. Soon my blessed years of great good health will be but a fuzzy memory, if I retain the memory at all. My father always said getting old wasn't for sissies. Guess I'm about to find that out.

So, I ease into my chair or toss in my bed trying to find a comfortable spot and wonder, what's the purpose of pain as we age? How does it all fit into God's great and glorious plan to remake us in the image of Jesus--which He promised to accomplish within the lifetime of every believer. Sure, I know what preachers and teachers say about suffering: its various purposes run the gamut from growing our dependence on Almighty God for strength to persevere, all the way to providing an opportunity to showcase our faith. Others are always watching. When they see that we won't complain and curse God in any situation, it makes them wonder about their own need for God. Sometimes, God must send suffering as punishment for sin too.

To distract myself from dwelling on my pain, I'm looking to Job--arguably the most notorious pain-and-suffering expert since time began. At the beginning of Job, he feared God and shunned evil, being blameless and upright. Nevertheless, toward the end of the first chapter, disaster engulfs him. What does he do? He falls to the ground in worship of God and says, "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." Job 1: 21. Then he doesn't charge God with doing wrong. Satan amps up the suffering. In Chapter 2, Job asks, "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" Job 2: 10. Still he refuses to sin. HIs suffering keeps getting worse. We hear the key to his attitude in 10: 8 and 9, "Your hands shaped me and made me. Will you now turn and destroy me? Remember that you molded me like clay. Will you now turn me to dust again?" Job knows that God's intent is always good. "You gave me life and showed me kindness, and in your providence watched over my spirit." 10: 12. But how about this verse? "Then I would still have this consolation--my joy in unrelenting pain--that I had not denied the words of the Holy One." 6:10.

Job trusts God. He knows God is in control. But "my joy in unrelenting pain?" Joy? I don't get that part. In his unrelenting pain, Job has joy. Job was committed to God, no matter what happened. But his commitment went beyond that. Job was also committed to choosing joy as he obeyed God. Both his joy and his faith had content. Not joy by itself but joy in the Lord. "The joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10. Joy in the Lord creates the capacity for endurance. It brings refuge. Joy in the Lord allows continual unbroken connection to God. Living cocooned in this kind of joy, thanking God for whatever He brings each moment, praising and glorifying Him for never leaving us or forsaking us in each situation, good or bad--that propels us through the pain like the little engine that could. Step by step, our weak hand in His strong one, sometimes leaning on Him and stumbling along, sometimes striding with confidence in His leading, we constantly discover anew that He is able--always. Keep your eyes on Jesus is not a meaningless song or platitude. Whatever suffering tumbles into our lives, we can conquer with joy in the Lord. Even when our pain is unrelenting, we can be joyful. We can find joy IN THE MIDST of our unrelenting pain because it points us to God in a way nothing else can and because we will always find that He will never leave us to suffer alone.

WAITING--BLESSING OR CURSE?

2010-07-12T19:01:45Z

I'm waiting---again. This time I'm waiting for news that my book is completed or ,at least, that they've made some progress designing the cover and the interior. I really hate to wait. I always have. Yet clearly God designed waiting into His plan. Examples: It takes nine months of waiting for a baby to be developed. Each year in the winter when many things die, we must wait for spring to bring life again.

All through the Bible, men and women struggled with God's requirement to wait. Abraham and Sarah had to wait for God to provide the promised son. Moses had to wait 40 years in the desert to prepare him to lead Israel out of Egypt. Jesus had to wait to begin His public ministry until after he had been tempted by Satan in the wilderness. Apparently no one like waiting, but it's part of our common experience.

Since waiting seems to be here to stay, first off, I need a new attitude about it. I'll start by taking another look at the process itself. What can I learn about waiting today?

Isaiah 30:18 proclaims, "Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him!"

Hmm. Interesting how those parts are all in the same verse. He longs to show His grace and compassion to me just as any good father longs to give good gifts, but since He is a God of justice, I must wait for His time and His way. What does justice have to do with it? Let's go back to His original plan for my life. I was created to glorify God. His purpose is to make me into the image of Jesus and this will bring glory to God. Patience is one of the attributes of Jesus. In order to grow me in patience, I have to practice waiting. That is logical. In fact, since I'm a slow learner, He must give me multiple opportunities for practice until being patient becomes part of my nature---until I wait just as Jesus did: trusting that God's timing is always right and good. If God never made me wait, He would not be fulfilling His promise to make me like Jesus. Making me wait establishes God's sovereignty in my life. It requires me to trust His faithfulness. It shows that He keeps His promises. What a wonderful method for growing me in reliance on His word and on His attributes!

Titus 2:11-13: "For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say 'No' to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope---the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ..."

Waiting gives me practice saying 'no' to ungodliness and worldly passions and saying 'yes' to self-control and an upright and godly life. God considers this waiting practice to be a gift of His grace. Wow! I never looked at waiting as a gift before.

Psalm 27:14--"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." In other words, this waiting is not open ended. I am waiting for the Lord, waiting for Him to move, to answer my prayer, to do the work He promised. There is content to my waiting. I wait for God to accomplish His will and purpose. The Psalmist repeats the phrase, "Wait for the Lord," twice to emphasize that it matters what I'm waiting for. Waiting without an object is pointless. What is the object of my waiting? Am I waiting for God to do things my way? Am I telling Him how to answer my prayers? Or do I actually wait for His will to manifest itself? Will I accept whatever He sends as an answer to my waiting?

If I truly yearn for His will to be accomplished as I pray each day, then I must accept waiting as part of His gracious plan. Thank you, dear Lord, for making me wait.

JOURNEY TO PUBLICATION PART III - FINALLY SOME AFFIRMATION

2010-07-02T17:35:38Z

In 2008, I began submitting the manuscript to contests. I entered the Zondervan First Novel Contest, the Amazon Writing Contest, the Genesis Contest (a couple of times) and a few smaller contests, and never received one word of encouragement. However, my friend Susanne Lakin won the Zondervan First Novel Contest at Mount Hermon in 2009 for her novel Someone to Blame, receiving a publishing contract as first prize. Soon after that, she contracted for three of her fantasy books and was suddenly zooming on her way to publication. Although she is by far the most creative people I've ever known, much more talented than I, her success encouraged me and kept me entering contests, submitting queries, and not quitting when the rejections came.

I had seen God use the book in the lives of my family members, opening up discussions I would otherwise not have been able to accomplish. I wondered if that had been God's main purpose for my call to writing.

This year, I ran across a reference to the Orange Country Christian Writers Conference. On their website they announced a contest, the winner to be named at the May 1 conference and to receive a publishing contract from Westbow Press, the self-publishing arm of Thomas Nelson. Being a small conference, it wasn't a big investment. I had to promise to attend in order to enter.

By then I had rewritten Payne & Misery a full ten times. I felt as if I'd done everything I could do to make it better. The contest sponsors had sent me an e-mail informing me that I had placed in the top ten entries and making an appointment with one of the judges for late afternoon. I had a feeling the manuscript would place well in the contest, after all the remediation it had received, but my most fervent hope was that it would please and glorify God. He had supplied the desire to write and the creativity.

As I drove toward Irvine that weekend, I prayed for God's will and for His guidance. The all day workshops and speakers at the conference were informative and entertaining. I met a lovely agent and actually felt a connection to her style of work. I had not felt that with any agents I had previously met in other conferences. She requested that I send her my work. Then I went to my interview with the contest judge.

Kathi Macias, author/mentor/teacher, has an outstanding and varied list of accomplishments. Besides that, she's a lovely woman of God who delights in encouraging others. At our appointment, she spoke of my novel in glowing terms and her praise lifted my spirits. She advised me that the book deserved to be published and whether I won or not, I should do so. I inquired about her recommendations and she said I should use Westbow Press. She assured me I would be pleased with their product and that it would give me a great advantage for future books to be published with Thomas Nelson. There were advantages to self-publishing I had not considered, like greater profit per book and retaining the rights instead of selling them. It would mean I could choose what I wanted to keep in my book instead of having an editor delete what the publishing company chose to. The package she recommended includes free books, some marketing, e-books, hard and soft cover editions, and printed marketing material for the author to mail out. The price of the package wasn't especially high--$2600, with the small discount offered by Westbow at the conference. In my previous research of self-publishing, I had found much higher initial costs at other companies. Not that the price mattered at that point, since my husband and I had been living by faith for two years already with absolutely no extra money to invest in self-publishing. $2600 or $26,000--we couldn't afford it.

That Saturday, I arrived in the main lecture room feeling quite encouraged about a possible agent and the publishworthiness of my novel. After preliminaries, they began to call the contest winners. Third place. Second place--they called my name. As I stood, I felt only a twinge of disappointment because it meant I wouldn't be able to get the novel published right away. But that twinge vanished when I made my way to the front and accepted my certificate. A glow of satisfaction and contentment about being in God's best settled over me. At last, a little outside validation from the writing community.

I left the conference to visit family members (who wish to remain anonymous) before heading home. After a couple of days' together, I prepared to leave. My loved one handed me an envelope and said she wanted to contribute to my writing. I refused at first, but she insisted. I headed toward the next place I wanted to visit. There I received another unsolicited envelope. Amazed at their incredible generosity and timing, I totaled the money after I started home. It came to $2700. God had provided for publication in a way I would never have expected. Truly nothing is impossible for God.

So I contracted for Payne & Misery to be self-published. The whole process will take about ninety days--another advantage of self-publishing. I don't know what the next step will be. I know nothing about marketing, but I know I will have to learn fast. Not only the success of this venture, but future sales of my books depend on moving forward into what God has for me next. I will step out in faith, as He has taught me to do over this six year journey, and be surprised with the joy of what He has prepared. To God be the glory. Great things He hath done.

JOURNEY TO PUBLICATION PART II - GETTING SERIOUS

2010-06-22T00:25:55Z

Spring of 2006 I attended my first writers conference at Mount Hermon in the beautiful mountains outside San Jose, California. There, I was introduced to the craft of writing. In the workshops, I discovered formulas and structure for writing mysteries and for fiction in general about which I previously knew absolutely nothing. I submitted the first three chapters of Cornerstone House---as it was then called---for critique. The marvelous and beautiful author Brandilyn Collins wrote a full page of suggestions "so that your story will emerge--right now it's weighted beneath too many words." Despite her rejection, a desire-for-excellence seed was planted in the fertile ground of Mount Hermon and began to sprout almost at once. I discovered the network of Christian authors--full of compassion and always on the look-out for ways to serve each other. Author Nancy Farrier, my Mount Hermon first-timer buddy, consoled me after my critique with many wise words. I certainly didn't want to attach my name to a book that would prove to be less than my best. Author Sherry Kyle, my first writer friend, became a sounding board for my walk through the revision process.

With my head bulging full of new ideas, I rewrote the entire manuscript, applying all of Brandilyn's suggestions and many of the things I had learned in the workshops. I deleted pages of description and a great deal of whining and complaining about my miserable lot in life. I gave the characters more depth. I listened to the CDs from the workshops and reread my notes. I read books about writing, in particular studying Browne and Kings's Self Editing for Fiction Writers in depth. In great anticipation, I resubmitted the book---now titled Misery's Company--- to the fall Christian Writers Mentoring Clinic at Mount Hermon that same year. I signed up for a group led by Karen Ball, Author/Editor/Publisher. Our group of nine plus Karen critiqued each other's submissions and then spent three days discussing. The group was tactful, insightful, and made many helpful suggestions. Karen Ball was particularly encouraging in her remarks during our private session and even suggested I send her the completed manuscript once I had polished it a bit more. As a publisher with B & H, this possibility was heady praise and a great honor. I returned home thoroughly pumped about writing fiction and rewrote the book again.

When I submitted it to Karen, however, she was unable to place it in her production schedule.

Assuming she rejected it because it still wasn't good enough, I rewrote it again along with the first three chapters of a second cozy mystery with the same setting and characters. This one I named, The Dunn Deal. I took it to the 2007 Mount Hermon Christian Writers Conference. Again I signed up for a critique group, this time led by Author/Editor/ Mentor Kathy Ide. The new improved version of Misery's Company was submitted to two publishers. They both turned it down again, although Karen Ball offered to look at it again. Once again, the workshops were incredible and I bought CDs of everything to revisit at home.

That year I met the creative author, Susanne Lakin. After the conference, she read the fourth version of Misery's Company and made right-on suggestions to jump-start my fervor. At that time, I felt overwhelmed by the massive amount of remedial work my manuscript still required and was about to delete the entire file. Since then, every time I feel like quitting, God sends her along with an email, a phone call or a visit, to get me pumped up again. Her friendship has meant a great deal on this journey. Knowing Susanne and seeing how God has used her in my life is one way I'm assured that my calling to write came from God. I have learned much from Susanne's perseverance and dedication to the craft of writing.

At Susanne's urging, I began sending out querry letters and proposals. After several rejections, I took the advice of Techo-thriller author Austin Boyd who counseled us at the conference to invest in our writing. I submitted Misery's Company to Glass Road for professional editing. Jessica Doty performed a content edit on the manuscript and John Leatherman polished the grammar and mechanics in a line edit. They both made sparkly suggestions, which I implemented immediately, rewriting yet again. I even paid Rebeca Seitz to write a proposal. Surely now it must be ready for publication, right God?

But still no one was buying it. Undeterred, I kept on writing. Now starting a third cozy mystery with the same setting and characters titled, Parrish The Thought. In order to create symmetry with the titles, I changed the title of Misery's Company to Payne & Misery. Each of the books in the series of three now has a title with the victim's name in the title and a play on words.

About the seventh time I rewrote the manuscript, the Valley Springs Book Club wanted to read it. I made copies at Kinkos, which the group paid me for. These vivacious women read the book in a month and invited me to their next meeting to discuss it. They were so gracious, even though the book still had many flaws. They made suggestions, most of which I incorporated.

Throughout this process, my daughter Jule has read every single revision. How humbling to receive such a gift of trust and support. She is always my biggest cheering section. She has also made many valuable suggestions as she reads. Many other family members have read one version or another. My Mom and Pop, two of my sisters, Toni and Patty, my husband Bob, my son-in-law Gary, my sister-in-law Merrilee and brother-in-law Jerry. Last Christmas, my son Jason and his wife Angie replaced my worn out computer with a fancy iMac to make writing easier. God's blessings abound throughout this process. The sweet ladies in my Bible Study Fellowship class faithfully pray for God's will and for my writing. I am sure God has led me through every step of this long journey although sometimes I wonder if God never planned to publish this book for public consumption, but instead only intended to use it in my life and in the lives of my family and friends. I must say, it has opened up many interesting conversations.

I attended the Mount Hermon Christian Writers Conference in 2009, and my daughter Jule paid my way to the the ACFW (American Christian Fiction Writers) conference in the fall of that year. They were both wonderful and inspiriting and great places to network but didn't land me an agent or a publishing contract. According to the advice I received over and over that year, no one was buying mysteries from unknown authors. Not encouraging news, nevertheless, I had come so far and loved the process of writing so much, I couldn't give up yet.

JOURNEY TO PUBLICATION PART I - THE BEGINNING

2010-05-31T21:11:00Z

After six years of waiting and praying and waiting and wishing and waiting and procrastinating and waiting and attending workshops and waiting and rewriting, my first book, Payne & Misery, is about to be published in tangible paper and ink. It will get an ISBN number and go on sale at Amazon.com. I lay awake at night imagining what the cover will look like and what the book will feel like in my hands. I pretend I've just found my book on a shelf at the bookstore and wonder what my emotions will be. Today as I pondered this, I thought perhaps during my final waiting time---since the book will be out by the end of summer or early fall---I should document my process, just in case someday someone I know feels discouraged and needs a pep talk about the long journey to publication.

I always wanted to write a book. I know, everyone says that. It's probably a pretty universally held desire. Somewhere hidden in the secret recesses of our cerebral cortex, many of us believe a manuscript waits to be discovered. I don't remember ever thinking otherwise. I loved to read and write from my earliest memories. At 16 when my first love broke up with me, I barricaded myself in my room for a few days writing a girl-loses-boy-and-never-recovers romance filled with pathos and tears in the style of my then-favorite author Grace Livingston Hill Lutz. After about four chapters, I'd had enough wallowing and returned to my life.

During high school and college, I wrote numerous term papers and project papers. I loved writing them and always started the day we received the assignment. Weird, huh? My Philosophy of Life paper in high school English, was decorated with a large A+++ and my instructor requested my permission to read it to the class. Other papers met with equally enthusiastic reception and my mother dutifully saved each one as if they were treasures, although it is doubtful others would be so enthralled.

For my children, I wrote a little book about my parents' dalmatian, Charlie---a wonderful creature who couldn't break his bad habit of chasing cars. Sadly, that was the end of him. I completed that book and even illustrated it with my own childish drawings. My girls loved it so much I turned it in as a project for a children's literature class I was taking. No one in college was as impressed. From that experience, I deduced that perhaps my writing acumen did not include children's literature.

When I located my biological mother at age 31, I narrated the entire wondrous odyssey in a story called Prodigal Daughter. My sweet daughter had it bound and preserved as a piece of family lore, but when I read it now, I realize it lacks--well, quite a bit, and is far from publish-worthy.

While caring for my aging parents, the notion of writing a book repeatedly swam in and out of my consciousness. I variously considered penning a non-fiction how-to filled with insights on caring for aging parents'; a children's chapter book featuring the adventures of my border collie and my cat learning valuable life-lessons while cavorting with my father's dog; a mystery featuring an amateur sleuth bar-tender who eavesdrops on patrons; and various intriguing real-life crime stories, which I kept stuffed in files. Periodically I would share these ideas with my father-in-law, more for something safe to talk about than for any other reason. As an avid reader and supremely talented poet, he could sustain this type of conversation for hours. In the beginning, conversations with him actually kept me writing.

My parents passed away and my husband moved me to his dream house on fourteen wooded acres in Grass Valley California. It was a magical place with a Grandma Moses view out my kitchen windows. Most of the time I loved it there. On the downside, however, it was more than half a state away from my children, grandchildren and friends, my husband hated it, and then, menopause set in. I cried a lot. Sometimes I got so down, I thought there would never be an "up" again.

That was my state of mind in the middle of our second summer in our dream house---2005. I had already redecorated the kitchen and landscaped the yard. I was miserable and badly in need of another diversion. One day I stood in my beautiful office and stared out the window praying, but my heart felt certain that God was never going to hear me again. I sat at my computer and started typing. I did not know what I was writing, but words started to flow out. After the first paragraph, I knew it was a mystery. I looked out the window again and saw a house on the hill below us whose occupants I had never seen in our two years of residence. I made up a story about why I had never seen them. It was marvelous therapy, and kept my mind well occupied, but I never knew where it was going. I wrote all my whiny complaining misery into that story. Sometimes, the main character (who oddly enough happened to be just like me) would impulsively do something she shouldn't. Horrified, I'd delete that scene and say, "She can't break into someone's house." Or whatever she had done. But she'd insist. "I have to. How am I going to find what I need to find." So I'd rewrite the scene. I really got into the story. I'd discuss it with my in-laws whenever we visited. They were always encouraging. My mother-in-law asked me to write her in the story. Her name, Zora Jane, seemed perfect for the protagonist's best friend and mentor. Throughout the initial writing phase, my real life intruded in many other ways. For example, my husband burned a pile of oak leaves and garden debris in a blaze that lasted for days. Watching the fire, I knew that had to go in the story.

At the same time I was writing, I was participating in our church prayer ministry. Several times, I asked them to pray with me about the direction this writing would take. What audience was I writing for? How much Gospel should I write into the story? What was the next step? Gradually I became aware that God is already part of every story and He had to be part of this one too.

One day after I'd completed the first draft---called "Cornerstone House" in those days---I mentioned to my friend at Bible study that I had written a book but didn't know what to do with it. She suggested taking it to the Mount Hermon Christian Writers conference. That proved to be one of the best pieces of advice I ever received.

ROSE THEOLOGY 101

2010-05-24T00:11:00Z

I neglected my rose garden this winter. I didn't mean to, but I used the rains and life's busyness as an excuse and never got around to pruning. The bushes didn't complain. They never called me or drew attention to themselves as I passed by. It never occurred to me that something was wrong. With their normal hardiness, the plants completed their usual dormant period and headed into spring. Long twisted tendrils mixed with old dead growth. Wild shapes replaced cultivated. Old stalks widened and put out large sharp thorns. Still, I didn't notice.

The rains continued about once a week through the end of May and so did the new growth. The bushes put out flowers. I didn't deadhead the old flower remains or thin the new buds. The blossoms were enjoyable even if the bushes were gangly and unkempt. Then last week, several days of warm sunny weather in a row drew me outside to investigate the effects of the long winter's frost and rain.

What I found in the rose garden filled me with sadness. Insects and disease had invaded the bushes. Spider mites, rust, and black spot covered the leaves. Many of the bushes had already begun to drop leaves and looked bare around the bottoms. Immediate attention was required.

But when I pushed through the dense foliage to administer systemic, the bushes fought back. Thorns tore into my hair and skin. The thick growth shoved me back as if it could keep me out. These bushes did not want to get well. I had to radically prune them so I could pour in the systemic they so desperately needed for vitality.

As I hacked through thick dry stems and green shoots, I thought how like me these bushes are. When it comes to pruning, I want God to leave me alone. I want "freedom" to do my own thing--to grow my own wild tendrils and twisted stems. Pruning hurts. But God, in His great mercy, wants me to be the best and most beautiful bush possible--the bush He created me to be, full of large fragrant blossoms and healthy green leaves. Shaped by a loving Father. So when there is willfulness, sin, wrong thinking, or pride, He must prune those things out of me. This cutting away is not pleasant while it's happening. I imagine it hurts God to do it. He loves me so. But that is precisely the reason He must discipline me. It is love that compels Him to discipline. Proverbs 3:11 puts it like this: "My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in."

Jesus told His disciples that fruitful branches must be pruned to promote growth. God disciplines us to strengthen our character and faith. John 15: 1-2, "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." Rejoice when discipline comes from the Father. Although we cannot see the future beauty He is creating, we can trust Him to know the most effective gardening techniques to fully bring forth His glorious plan.

CONFESSIONS OF A PHONE-HATER

2010-05-14T18:46:00Z

I have a confession to make. I hate the phone. I am simply not a phone person. I’m shy and not good at chit-chat. I rarely remember to take my cell phone with me, to charge it, or even turn it on. I don’t call my own children regularly. But I’m convinced that God delights in stretching us out of our comfort zones. So, of course, when I signed up for Bible Study Fellowship five years ago, they gave me the job of phoning the volunteers who were needed every week to help out the children's leaders.

Although I never complained out loud, the first couple of years I did plenty of grumbling inside. Nevertheless, I stubbornly plodded through my job in my own power. I didn’t want to make those calls, but I managed to get them done. It was always a struggle and there was never joy in doing it. But then I started praying for the volunteers. I prayed that God would provide exactly the right ones for each class and that He would give them joy in their service. As I did that,I began to realize what a huge privilege God had given me to do this work in His kingdom. I began thanking Him for trusting me. Thanking Him brought abundant joy.

This past year, we studied the gospel of John in depth. What a wonderful adventure to walk with Jesus through John's writing. Our last lesson of the year was about the disciples’ fishing trip in Galilee after Jesus' resurrection. It reminded me of what happened with the phoning. After these experienced fishermen had fished all night, Jesus called from the shore, "Have you caught anything?" They answered that they had not. So Jesus told the disciples to throw out their nets on the right side of the boat, the side of power. And they obeyed. Because of their obedience, Jesus provided an abundance of big fish.

This year, God provided an abundance of excellent volunteers. Not just any kind ofvolunteers, but always perfect for the classes. Full of joy, exuberance, flexible, and available to do whatever was needed, these volunteers blessed us in so many ways. Plus, from week to week, I got to see little miracles of God's provision. Let me mention just a few.

One week, a volunteer didn’t show up. I stood in the hall wondering what to do. A lovely lady stopped to ask if I needed any more volunteers that day.

Another week, when the scheduled volunteer got sick, an excited volunteer showed up waving her purple schedule sheet and asking if this was the day she was supposed to work. Somehow in her anticipation, she didn’t notice that the date on the paper called for her services a month later.

Once I couldn’t find a volunteer for the 4-5 class. When Thursday came, both of the 4-5 teachers were absent, so we combined their class with the 2-3 class who already had a great volunteer. And that day, neither class had more than half of their usual children. God always knows ahead of time how He'll work out a problem.

Twice, I’ve come home to find two messages on my answering machine. The first was from someone scheduled to volunteer saying they could not do it after all. The second message was from someone who had turned me down earlier but their plans had changed and now they were available. Lost one, gained one. Immediate provision. Sometimes it feels as if I have no part in this at all. God provides the catch. I just pull in the net.

In January when we opened the Infant/Toddler program, we suddenly needed ten volunteers each week instead of only three. Plus one of the volunteers had to be willing to sit in the hall for two hours and monitor the outside doors, something I thought no one would want to do. But every week, God faithfully provided one lady who said something like, “I’d like to volunteer, but I’m not very good with children.” Or “I just had surgery and I won’t be able to work with the children.” Our door monitors have done their job with joy week after week. What an amazing sight to watch.

All volunteer jobs have been filled in the way God planned. Abundant catch.

I did not want to do phoning. But when I surrendered this unsavory task to God and began thanking Him for it, I got to see miracles. I am constantly filled with joy at watching God work. Perhaps you feel stuck doing something you think is not a good fit for you even though you know God called you to do it. Follow Him. Even if He tells you to throw your net on the other side of the boat after you’ve fished all night and caught nothing. God promises to provide in abundance if we will just obey.

SOMETIMES I'M A TURTLE

2010-05-14T18:39:00Z

Sixyears ago, Bob and I were locked in disagreement about moving away from GrassValley. He wanted to move and I didn’t. I was positive he was wrong and I had a lock on God’s will for our family.Certainly God had led us there and we should stay. In my arrogance, I evenrequested that my friends at church pray for him.

Filledwith self-righteous fervor, I asked them, “What do you do when your husbandwants to do something you know is wrong? Not illegal or immoral, just the wrongchoice for the two of you.” On his side of the fence, Bob was just as sure ofhis position.

Overthe following months, I spent a great deal of time pleading with God to changeBob’s heart. Instead of changing Bob’s heart, however, God began to inform mineconcerning His established order for marriage. Christian marriage is meant tomirror Jesus’ relationship to His beloved bride, The Church. That means my roleas wife involves submission, even when I think Bob is wrong. Although Iunderstood God’s message, I still had a grumbling heart when I agreed to putthe house up for sale.

Nearthe road to our house were two ponds. Deer Creek fed the larger one and watertrickled into the smaller one through a culvert underneath a large mound thatseparated the two. A family of turtles lived in the smaller pond. Over theyears that we lived there, as we came and went along the road, Bob and I alwaysstopped to watch the turtles swim or sun on the rocks. We had observed the familygrow from year to year, producing several baby turtles. We thought of them as our neighbors andfriends. That year, summer was unusually hot. The pond the turtle familyoccupied dried up and remained dry until winter rains filled it again. The waterin the larger pond receded, but it never went completely dry because it wasdeeper and fed by the stream. When the smaller pond appeared full again, westopped one day to look for the turtles. But they weren’t there.

Igot frantic. “Where did they go?”

“Therewas no water for a long time. Maybe they died in the heat,” Bob said.

Ididn’t want to hear that. “There’s another pond not fifty yards away. Whydidn’t they just walk over there?”

Alwaysready to solve my problems, Bob replied, “Maybe they couldn’t see the otherpond.”

Asif a lightning bolt struck my head, I suddenly understood. “Of course, not.They look at the world from a turtle’s perspective. And I’ve been a turtle,too.”

Bobdidn’t get it right away.

“Don’tyou see?” I pointed to the big pond. “There’s another pond—a beautiful deeppond, just over there. But I dug into the dried mud with both feet, grumblingabout having to leave my pond, even if staying meant I had to die here. I neveronce considered there might be another pond. Maybe even a better one.”

LikeJesus and His disciples in Jeff’s sermon yesterday, when we stand in front ofthe Gates of Hades, we have a choice to make, just like the turtles. Do we stepout in faith when the Holy Spirit urges us to move, one foot in front of the other,plodding along without being able to see where we’re going? Or do we refuse tobudge because we don’t know what’ s on the other side of the mound—because wedon’t know all the answers?

Speakingof Moses poised at the edge of the Red Sea, Jeff said, “God is not revealingany more information until you put your foot in the water by faith.” God wouldnot reveal His plan for Bob and me until we stepped out of our familiar pondand walked over the mound to the unknown. Facing the Gates of Hell, Jesus wantsus to display the fruits of the Spirit without knowing the answers—with nothingbut faith in the living God and His Son Jesus, the Christ. God is able. He asksus to step out in faith that the Word of God will provide all the light we needto take the next step, and then the next, and then the next. He neverilluminates the entire road at once or shows us the bigger pond until we getthere. But He gives us the Spirit of Jesus living within us and that’s enough.By our obedience in times of turmoil, the Spirit produces supernatural fruit sothat the World may see Jesus in our reactions to life’s challenges—love, peace,joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Whereare you and I being turtles today? Where are we refusing to move? Dug inbecause we don’t know the answers? In what impossible situation? Health, relationships, financial? Willwe step out of our dry ponds and head up the mound in faith? Let God prove onceagain that He is fully able.

Whois Jesus to us today?

WHAT'S THE PAYOFF?

2009-11-20T22:16:00Z

John 5:1-9 (NIV)
"Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for a feast of the Jews. Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. Here a great number of disabled people used to lie--the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, 'Do you want to get well?' 'Sir,' the invalid replied, 'I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.' Then Jesus said to him, 'Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.' At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.

This snippet from Jesus' earthly ministry is so full of life-lessons that with each reading I see things I never saw before. Today I focus on the odd question Jesus asked the paralyzed man. "Do you want to get well?" The answer seems obvious at first. Of course he wants to be well. Everyone wants to be well. But Jesus knows our inner thoughts, so it can't be that He asked this man a silly question like that. It must be that the answer to Jesus' question could be yes or no and the man has to decide which.

But why would anyone want to be paralyzed? Let's take a closer look.

Here's a guy who's been paralyzed by some mysterious malady for thirty-eight years. Perhaps at the beginning, he had an accident or illness. He may have initially railed against the injustice of it and wholeheartedly desired to be well. However, with the passing of time, he has become accustomed to his condition. It has become a way of life. Every morning, I imagine someone drags him along to this porch area at the temple and leaves him there along with perhaps hundreds of other blind, lame, and paralyzed people. Probably they spend their days begging for coins to buy food. Then every night someone drags him home again. This is his daily routine.

I see advantages to being paralyzed like that. This man has no responsibilities, no challenges, no deadlines, no one else to care for. No one expects anything from him. He is not a disappointment to himself or others, because "fate" has dealt him this hand. Maybe people are even nicer to him because of his condition, especially people who pity him. I have had thoughts like these during times I felt overwhelmed by my obligations. If I contracted a life-threatening disease and was confined to bed, my dear family and loved ones would rally around me, lavishing love and support on me, perhaps even completing my work for me. In my warped day-dream world, that would be lovely.

If the man says yes to Jesus' question, his whole world will change. He will have no more excuses. He will have to find a way to make his own living without begging. He will be expected to fulfill his obligations. It takes a lot of effort to be a responsible adult, good citizen, and Christian.

So, there's a payoff for staying paralyzed.

How about me? Do I want to be well? Do I want to give up the thing that paralyzes me? Do I want freedom enough to submit to Jesus' authority to heal me? To cooperate with Him by making that initial effort to get up? Do I have faith in His power to cure me?Will I obey by picking up my mat so I can no longer choose to return to paralysis? This is a question of submission. Will I submit to God's will to complete His work of sanctification in me? Or will I refuse to acknowledge His Lordship over my life and continue doing things my way just because that's the easiest way?

Do I want to get well?

A GENEROUS HELPING OF JOY

2009-11-20T21:43:00Z

During my morning prayer time one Thanksgiving, instead of my usual litany of requests I thanked God for His generosity during the previous year, naming each blessing as I thought of it. Prayer time expanded as I remembered more amazing ways He had provided for my needs and for my heart's desire. The more thanks I offered, the more joyful I became. I hope God enjoyed that time of thanksgiving as much as I did.

We are commanded to give thanks in all things, but too often, I zoom through life at jet speed and either don't notice or don't give God credit for answered prayers and the miraculous ways He cares for me. And yet, in acknowledging God's hand as it moves circumstances for my good, I become aware of how precious I am to my Creator and how much He delights in supplying my need. I see His power to move mountains, and feel His constant vigilance over me, even in the darkest storms.

A few weeks ago, our pastor suggested making a list of our five or ten biggest needs. Write them down and take them with you to your prayer time. When you begin, tap the list and say, "God, you know what I need." Because, of course, He does. He knows more about what we need than we do. Then begin to thank Him for answering and meeting those needs. Trust God to answer them and leave them there when you rise from your prayer time. He wants us to take our burdens to Him and leave them there. Go through your day with a heartful of gratitude because Almight God has heard you, and He will answers. His answers are not always exactly what we had in mind as a solution, but we can count on the answers being better than anything we could think of because God knows the whole picture. Rejoice in HIs provision. Give God credit when the needs are met. Sing His praises all day long. This is a sure-fire recipe for joy.

ROD COOK--"MEN OF INTEGRITY" HOUSE

2009-09-29T17:18:00Z

Want to be inspired and encouraged to live out your faith in the world you inhabit between Sundays? Meet Rod Cook--successful contractor, husband, father, relatively new Christian, recovering addict/alcoholic. God is using his skills and abilities, including his brokenness, to reach souls for eternity. When that still small voice called him, Rod said , "Yes."

A year and a half ago, Rod felt God speaking to him about building a home where recovering addicts and alcoholics could be housed—a place where he could share the love of Jesus. Although it meant huge personal sacrifices such as taking out a loan on his private residence, fighting through the maze of Calaveras County regulations and power needs, along with occasional discouragement--not to mention convincing his wife--Rod persevered because he trusted God to provide. Rod lives by the scripture found in Psalm 40: 1-3. “I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.”

Today "Men of Integrity" houses eight to ten men in a spacious building set on five acres in Valley Springs, California. It is a sober living environment where Bible study and prayer are part of the daily routine. Rod has learned many valuable lessons along the way, not the least of which concerns the need for strict adherence to rules, accountability, curfews, and mandatory meetings. Some of the men come through the legal system, while others are referred from churches or transitional homes in San Joaquin County. Often, they have less than thirty days sobriety and need constant monitoring. The challenges of balancing this type of environment are enormous.

Yet, God continues to mold Rod, using his strong leadership skills to train, mentor, and assist men to find their way in a world filled with temptation. In Rod’s words, Christians often get too comfortable with their salvation. We forget that it was bought with a price. Following Christ’s example sometimes means following Him into places where our faith is tested. God can be trusted to provide. Just ask Rod.

FALL: MELANCHOLY OR FULL OF JOY

2009-09-24T02:56:00Z

With temperatures still in the 90s, most Calaveras County residents aren't dragging sweaters out of storage or skipping out for walks in the crisp cool air. Such high temperatures will not coax color changes in the trees nor make leaves fall from branches. But according to the calendar, fall 2009 has arrived and one of these days we'll feel it in the air. Let's take a moment to ponder this incredible season.

Some people associate fall with transition from warm to cold weather, harvest, gray skies, and a pervasive spirit of melancholy. The carefree days of summer have passed and the routine of work and school blankets our shoulders like a heavy woolen poncho. Other people think of holidays like Halloween, Thanksgiving, and the ever-escalating rush toward Christmas. Not me. I love fall. I love the brilliant colors, the crunch of leaves underfoot, and the lower temperatures. I love visiting old gold rush towns like Nevada City or Murphys in the fall. You'll never convince me that the vibrant leaf colors in our own Sierra Nevada Foothills aren't every bit as wonderful as anything New England has to offer--bright red, purple, yellow, brown, orange. God's artistic mastery of these combinations amazes and awes. Did you know that the leaf colors red, yellow, and brown are in the leaves all year long and only become exposed when the green chlorophyll disappears in the fall? There's a life-lesson there. Does maturity bring different but equally beautiful color into our lives or do we crumple and wither as we age?

As I contemplated fall this morning, I considered ways of honoring God during this colorful season.

I can fall on my knees before Creator God who made this amazing varied world for our pleasure and enjoyment. Do we worship Him daily in gratitude for His gift of beauty and eyes to see it?

I can fall in love with Jesus all over again. Jesus--Savior, Redeemer. Do we greet each morning in reverence and thanksgiving for Jesus' gift of eternal abundant life? He died to set us free. How free are we today? That's what Jesus' gift offers: freedom, peace, and everlasting joy. Are we feeling it?

I can let my old sinful nature fall away and allow the Holy Spirit to control my thoughts, words, and actions. Romans 8:5-9, "Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace. The sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you." How are we doing with that? Do we ask God every day for power over our sinful natures?

This year, I propose that we make the falling of the leaves symbolic of the falling away of our old habits and desires. Those dry lifeless things that burden us and weigh us down. Let them go. Get ready for a spiritual "spring time" when God replaces our old nature with a glorious new work, like bright green new growth. Let go of sorrow, pain, and melancholy. Let negative self-talk and complaining go. In Christ is life and light. He's ready to begin a new work in us. Come, Holy Spirit, have your way. Fall upon us today.